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Nine years ago my son was born in October and prior to going to the hospital I sent out handmade Thanksgiving invitations to 23 of my closest relatives. Packed in my overnight back was my coveted collection of Bon Appetite magazines. I had already tested most of my recipes, created 23 individual menus and decided on the pumpkin bread I was going to bake to be given out as “favors” (one loaf per family). Nobody was allowed to bring anything. I took great pride in doing it all myself.
This had been my routine for the three prior years. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and nothing made me happier than to spend six months planning for my big day.
Thanksgiving 2005 went off without a hitch but I was tired. I had little time to recover before I started to plan for Christmas Eve, my second favorite holiday. I love the sparkle and enchantment and the magic.
I remember running around Christmas Eve day like a LUNATIC. The expectations I had put on myself were too much and I was cracking quickly. My sister looked at me and said (with great irritation) “you have GOT to CALM DOWN.”
And you know what? She was absolutely right. If I couldn’t manage the expectations I was putting on myself, I needed to lower the bar. I needed to create traditions that brought me joy in the simple things allowing me to savor these precious moments with my kids.
So I said farewell to Thanksgiving for 23 with handmade invitations and favors. Instead, I said hello to things like our annual tradition of “Christmas Tree Hunting.” We take the kids to go hiking at Mohonk Mountain Preserve and cut down our own tree the day after Thanksgiving. Something I wouldn’t have had the energy for if I was catering a large Thanksgiving.
We now go to my sister-in-laws for Christmas Eve so I can focus on decorating gingerbread houses, making reindeer food, hiding elves, and watching Christmas specials.
In the nine years since my son was born, life has changed a lot. Our family’s interests and hobbies have changed. Each year brings a new exciting stage in our kids lives.
I want to flexible and present so I can make a lifetime of memories. The only way for me to do that is to stress less.
I have reflected upon 15 ways to unrush the holidays. They are written here as a reminder for myself. Maybe they will help you too.
How to slow down the Holiday Rush:
- Create a vision for your holiday season. What do you want your experience to be? Calm, joyful, peaceful?
- Let your family and friends know what your holiday vision is and how they can help make it happen.
- Take a moment to reflect on your feelings of gratitude and abundance.
- Make it a habit of thanking and acknowledging people for their contributions to your life.
- Let go of your expectations.
- Prioritize rest.
- Clear your calendar of unimportant tasks. If you are having a hard time discerning between important and unimportant, an important task is anything that aligns with your vision.
- Focus on experiences and people not things.
- Be honest with yourself regarding your resources – time, money, desire, energy.
- Don’t multitask to get more done. Focus on the critical few.
- Don’t chase the “best” sales to save a few pennies. I am all for a good deal but not at the expense of my sanity.
- Losing sleep over taking the perfect holiday card picture? Skip it. Pick a card with no picture.
- Stick with your regular routines. Most likely you have developed structures to help reduce stress in your everyday life- exercise, journaling, keeping things organized, date nights, coffee with friends, and cooking healthy meals. Now is the time to be diligent.
- Acknowledge that you are human and not a holiday making, gift buying, magic making machine.
- There is nothing like the holiday rush to make you feel, well, rushed! Slowing down is a choice. Choose your own speed.
Thanksgiving, 16 years ago, John and I had enough of the family drama (we weren’t even married yet!). We chose to let go of other people’s expectations and went out for Thanksgiving dinner just the two of us. We didn’t see either of our families that year. It was an unpopular decision but one we felt we needed to make for our own peace. Everyone survived the experience (even the naysayers) and it gave us the courage to start making the best decisions for us even when faced with adversity. It was a valuable lesson in the control we have over our own choices.
It is easy to get distracted by the collective rush. Often we are bombarded by retailers, commercials, social media, and other people’s visions of holiday grandeur that we start to feel less confident about our own choices. I encourage all of us, me included, to set our priorities this holiday season with mindful awareness, with intention, and with our hearts.
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This comes at a great time for me. I’m hosting my first Christmas Eve! However, we have such a loving and low expectation kind of family, that I feel zero pressure. I know I’m not capable of making a full dinner, so I’m doing a bunch of hors ‘derves and no one will be disappointed. I’m very grateful that in my family we focus on WHO is at the party, not WHAT.
Oh, have fun hosting! Your family sounds divine. We have all mellowed out over the years so it’s no big fuss anymore.
Oh my god, Tara this seriously couldn’t have come at a better time. When we had Emma so sick last weekend, all my in-laws (Kevin siblings and his mother) could worry about was the annual secret Santa hat picking, as well as Thanksgiving and who would be where. I tell you I had visions after that debacle of just doing Thanksgiving dinner with us and us alone out somewhere. I love that you did that that one year and got to admit people just too crazy around this time of the year for words. I am totally taking your advice here to heart though and honestly again couldn’t thank you more for it!
Mmmm, you have had a tough week. Wishing you a gentle holiday season!
I can’t even imagine that Thanksgiving with a month old baby. When we had Jordan (Nov. 10) I hosted my family (2 weeks later) for Thanksgiving. I thought that was a great solution since we didn’t want to travel.
It sucked in every way – I was exhausted and spent most of the time by myself in our bedroom nursing (my brothers, step-dad and Poppa didn’t want to witness that) – I was lonelier than if we had stayed home alone which is exactly what we did for Christmas that year and it was awesome!!!
I had a Thanksgiving like that when my daughter was born. Even when I have people over now I keep it super low key. I can’t even believe I used to host 20+ people.
Ah, yes, the madness of the holidays! It can get nuts. You know, I try not to get caught up in the buy buy buy do do do sides to the holidays. I want it to be more about the time we spend together…the holiday music and the tree being decorated. The one time a year mom starts baking…ha! Yes, we buy presents and I can get stressed about the gifts we will be giving but in the end, I try to remember what really matters.
I always buy more than I set out to but I am determined this year to keep it simple. It’s the only time I bake too
Great advice!!! Last year I completely blew off the picture. My kids were uncooperative and I didn’t have the patience. No one got a card. Boy that was a lot less stress. Maybe I should do that again this year. A lot of work goes into those 200 cards. Or maybe I should cut my list down to the bare minimum. The only thing is, I like getting the cards and seeing how all the kids have changed… But at least this year, I do have a picture. Pinning and sharing…your advice is spot on!
Thanks Michelle. We have definitely skipped the holiday card pics a year or two. Cutting the list down is a great idea!
i blame my mother for this syndrome. and she still does it today,hence why i might be faking sick on thanksgiving. LOL! i’m so serious!
Mmmm, I will write you a doctor’s note!
This are really great tips. I can’t say I was talented enough to have any homemade favors but I always tend to go above and beyond to try and please everyone and then end up simply exhausted. Most times it doesn’t take as much to make people happy as I think and in turn I can make myself happy too.
You are absolutely right! We tend to over think what would make others happy.
I absolutely loved these helpful hints! Thanks for sharing!
This is so important! This time of the year becomes so stressful, and there’s often way too much pressure on mothers and women of the household to put things together. Having enough rest and being able to slow down is SO important, I will definitely be sharing this post! Dropping by from SITS!
I’ve rarely hosted a holiday meal — my grandma still gets that honor, although we’ve officially moved down the road to my aunt and uncles house for the actual meal since it’s getting to be too much for grandma (and their house is bigger). The holiday craziness for me is gifts — my parents and grandparents are MAJOR gift givers and I just can’t compete money-wise… nor do I really want to, since that’s not really the point after all. But it’s hard not to compare and feel inadequate.
That’s the bummer of it isn’t it? That you wind up feeling inadequate and comparing. That’s how I used to feel. Especially when the kids were young and my facebook “friends” were posting all their shopping and gifting. I had to train myself to focus inward during this time of year.
These are great tips. Just the other day, Frank and I have been talking about whether or not we want to start our holidays/Christmas tradition now or wait until we are completely settled and where we want to be. One of the things mentioned was not to give into the commercialism of it all, but enjoy it our way, even if that means slow, steady, and quiet.